So I don't know what I want.

I sat there at that funeral thinking... thinking about where I am going with my life, what I want to gain from life. What I dream of.

Its funny how funerals make you do that, they make you rethink what you are doing with your own life, it reminds you that life is a gift and you don't want to waste it.

Lately for me it has felt like life is a big stone wall that is slowly tumbling down on me,  God is throwing all these curve balls at me that I cant handle.. but yet God will give you what he knows you can handle.  Maybe my balance is just off,  I'm not putting my priorities in the correct order. Whatever it is I need to figure it out.

I am the person that picks up everyone's pieces and attempts to fit them together except for my own... because when I am falling apart it seems like I shard, and no one wants to even try to fit my pieces together.

There is just no winning with me.

So my life has been a bit how should I put it.. challenging --yep that's a good $2 word--lately.

There is a guy in my life.. its a new thing I thought I would try.. for those of you that don't know me, I have been single forever.  Well anyway, this guy thing isn't working out really. We fight about silly things, he can't tell me how he feels,  when he is crabby or stressed out, I ask him whats wrong and his reply is always the same; " I don't want to talk about it"  and that is only the beginning of the past four weeks.. yeah four weeks and he stresses me out to the point where I think I may have developed acid reflux. We are now just friends but its complicated.. I don't know if being friends is going to work, but I want to just be friends.. ugh

Along side of Mister stressful is Mister friendly.. Mister Friendly (actually name is disclosed for personal reasons) and I went out on about 4 dates early in the fall and he came to the conclusion that he wasn't over his last girl friend so he just wanted to be friends, so since then that is all we have ever been was just friends.. well when he found out that I had a boyfriend, he was in a bit of shock and got a little upset, we are still friends, he just confuses the hell out of me. I don't know what he wants, and I don't think he really does either. This past weekend I had asked him to be my date for my work holiday party.. late I know, but hey that's TSC for you. Anywho his first response was "I dunno", then I told him it would just be a friend date and he was like "oh ok yes." Whatever I guess, I will just let it go. I'm going to his hockey game tonight as a supportive friend...like always.. the friend.